Why can’t we wait to get married, why we want to hitch up right after we fall in love? I made a survey by asking a few rounds of questions to my friends, and colleagues. None was happy completely with their married life. One has issues with the in-laws, one has issues that she had to leave the career because of kid, and another one has a custom problem. They did love marriages and still not happy. My question to them was for how long they had known each other before marriage? Their answer was “a few months”.
In India, people meet, fall in love and off the reel decide to get married. In many cases, parents also eagerly wait to hook up their child. Why so? Still, in many region it is believed that after marriage man is bound to the pins. Why any parent want to bound their child to pins?
Ask yourself these questions before you want to get married?
Falling in love with someone is easy but hard to fulfill. Check how frequently your decisions do not match. One of my friends said, I am all about literature, and he is all about liters (60 ml, 90 ml, 120 ml). He loves partying with friends, and I love the smell of old books. See the difference. The problem is not when you have different choices, the problem occurs when you both are not ready to accept each other’s choices. So check how far you can go when it comes to fulfilling your partner’s wishes.
In inter-caste marriages, the major difference you see is the custom. Not necessary their customs and beliefs meet your culture. Ask this question to yourself, after living all these years with some culture are you willing to adjust to new? Your family might do something on Diwali but they might enjoy doing something which is beyond you cultural belief.
Many women say no to marriages just because they want success in their career. While some get married and think that career can be pursued later also. But before getting married, talk with your partner and in-laws that what are their views on your career. That you would give career priority over starting a family.
Let’s face it, this is the most talked issue in any family. Before marriage, you wear anything of your choice and after marriage, you have to wear that is acceptable by the society. The society is ok with their girl child wearing pajama and t-shirt but has issues with their daughter-in-law wearing the same. Think before you get married into a family where your clothing decides your character.
Angie was having a dinner with her in-laws where his husband threw a glass of water in anger. He was upset because his demand was not accepted by his parents. Angie’s mother-in-law asked her to clean the floor and said men are like that only, what can we do. The other day Angie’s boy who is 3 years old threw the plate of boiled vegetables because he did not want to eat it. Angie asked him politely to clean the floor and said indirectly to her in-laws, I do not want your wife to clean your insolence. I want her to respect you for your gentleness and not because you are a man.
As the famous quote says, ‘once you marry someone, you marry their family too’? You cannot go and change some family, but you have always an option to choose a family that understands you.