Fear Of Losing

Image taken from Internet

To avoid mom’s questions and counters I left for Delhi early morning without telling anyone. Meenie conceded after I sent her the message saying that there is an urgent meeting with my client which cannot be postponed. I did not even tell Reyansh. After that incident I did not speak with him. My mother and a few guests around me sprinkled water on my eyes to make me conscious. After I settled, I ran towards the Meenie’s room and collected important items like mobile, phone and purse and left the clothes as they were. I asked Chinu to drop me home the same night. I took the first flight for Delhi.
I wanted to tell everything to Angie as soon I reach home. I wanted to tell her the way Reyansh kept staring at me, how I wished to be with him all the time but my mother would not accept it. I wanted her to know that this blog thing might not work with his help as we have something else going. I kept thinking all these things in flight and then taxi after landing. My eyes were on the road all the time. Only my heart knew how eagerly I was waiting to tell Angie everything.
It was 5:00 in the morning. Instead of ringing the bell, I opened the door as I had extra keys with me. I rushed towards Angie,s bed and was saddened not to see her there. I called on her mobile and there was no response. “Might be she is staying at her office friend”, I thought.
I checked my mobile. There were 32 missed calls from Reyansh. I wanted to call him but could not dare. At one moment my fingers reached to the dialer but I removed them immediately. I never felt the same during my online chats with other people. I wished time to fast rewind and remove all the incidents happened the other night. I checked my phone once again to see if Angie has messaged.
“Where are you? I want to talk.”-I messaged.
“I am in Goa. You came earlier?”
Within two minutes Angie replied as if she was waiting for my message or call. I got worried when she said ‘Goa’. I wasted no time to call her.
“Are you fine? Is everybody good at home”-I asked hastily.
β€œI am ok. I felt to meet my parents, so took a few days leave. Tell me about Rajasthan. Why did you come early? Did you meet Reyansh? Have you come with him?”-Angie sounded as if trying to hide something. She tried to distract my questions smartly.
“I came alone. Disaster happened.”-then I told her everything on phone. We talked for 45 minutes. I checked the minutes on phone when I hung up. In 45 minutes talk I gave Angie enough content to laugh. I finally hung up the phone when she kept laughing.
Reyansh called me all day but I put my phone on silent. I wanted a day’s time to ease the situation. I slept whole day and drank coffee; bed, couch, floor and balcony. When I gained my consciousness, I realized that I finished 6 cups of strong coffee that day. I had not eaten anything. My stomach started to ache due to hunger. I grabbed my bag and left to feed myself. I ordered a medium cheese burst Mexican green wave pizza. I did not feel to eat out so asked the pizza guy to make it a take away. I watched the remaining episodes of β€˜Friends’ while eating pizza.
I looked at clock it was 2 in the midnight then I checked my phone. There were 10 missed calls from Reyansh. This time I called back.
“Why are you not picking up my call?”-his voice was calm but I could sense the serious anger.
“Can you answer please?”- His voice became loud now. I could hear his heavy breathes.
“I was sleeping all day.”-I answered.
He stopped talking for a while. I did not talk either. There was a silence for minutes. The next sound I heard was of disconnection. He hung up without saying anything else. I could not call him back. My fingers were shivering and my heart beat started to pulp fast.
For two days we did not call or messaged. I was in contact with Angie all the time but was suspicious about her sudden visit to Goa.
That day I called her mother instead.
“Hello aunt.”
“Hello daughter.
“I always talk to Angie, I never call you. Please accept my apologies.”
“Oh no! Daughter. Angie keeps talking about you all the time; it feels like as if you are here with us. You have become a part.”
“That is so nice of you all”
“How is Angie doing? I hope she talked about her severe headache last week. Doctor had asked for the tests. I called her yesterday she said everything is normal in the report.”
“Oh no daughter, she is lying to you. She is detected with a brain tumor. As soon she found out, she came Goa without notifying anyone. She did not want to tell you. She knew you would worry, but I do not want to hide anything as she needs you the most-more than us.”
My heart just hit the avalanche. I wanted to hear it again and this time something else as I did not believe any word she said. It was her mother who informed me bout Angie’s health condition.
“She cannot lie.”-I thought.
“Why did not you tell me before?”-I questioned. I was so angry with Angie for not telling me. I wanted to slap her and hug her tight at the same time. I asked aunt to wait till I come to Goa but she refused and said that they will all come to Delhi for her medical procedures anyways. She just wanted me to talk with Angie over phone so that she does not feel alone in this journey.
As soon I hung up I dialed her number and hung up immediately as I had no strength to hear her voice. She did not know that I have been informed about her condition. How will she react when she knows that I know?-I thought.
I kept walking in our small studio apartment for minutes to make myself stronger to call her. At one moment I thought to message her but I ended up writing just one word, “Angie?”
I sat on the couch, crossed my fingers and prayed to god to make everything all right.
“Please save Angie, please save Angie “-I kept mumbling when my phone rang. It was her. My eyes were wide open. Perhaps aunt have told her. How am I going to talk to her? How will I control my emotion? Why everything was happening in one day? First Reyansh and then Angie. It was the worst day of my life. The phone was still ringing. Today or tomorrow, you will have to pick up the call, my inner voice said. This time I collected my courage and picked it up with a heavy heart.
“Hello.” I said with heavy throat.

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