It is not that I never fell in love. I felt butterflies once upon a time in my stomach. I also got hurt. I went through all the stages of love except sex. It was a long distance relationship. He worked in Dubai into some famous and luxurious hotel, and I was just a graduate then. It was the time where Yahoo! was the place for many youngsters from around the world to hang out. There were groups. Through chat rooms we met. Initially he chased me. I ignored. I did not stop. I finally fell for him. We dated for 2 and a half years, and steadily he stopped showing. I would wait, wait and wait till 4 in the morning hoping that he will show anytime. But he never came. I got the sign and stopped sending him messages, and never called him again. A few years ago I received his message on Facebook

β€œHi! do you remember me?”

To which I replied,

β€œOf course, how are you?”

One ray of hope arose in my mind. I kept staring at the message box and waited for his reply. He never did. That night, I kept checking my FB. I could tell, he read my message, but did not reply. I checked his profile and I found myself blocked. He blocked me, just to make sure if I am still available he messaged to confirm. It boiled my blood.

That was the last time we communicated.

It has been 2 years, have not heard anything from his end yet.

And now it does not bother me at all. In fact, I do not find love interesting and magical. Now, to me, it is kind of sweet stroke which vanishes after it passes a certain period. I have been in many online relationships. Yes, I still visit chat rooms and fling with random boys to keep my love hormones active. I block them once bored. None of them were cute or interesting enough to make me fall in love; neither have I believed that it will blossom again.

I visited Parthasaraty today to click some pictures for my instagram account and found couples curl in each other’s arms.

All the couples we see in the garden or behind the rock, to them love is a new bird. More than 50 percent will breakup really soon, only a few will get married. And who knows how long their relationship train will run?

Nowadays, before first Karwachauth arrives, couples file the divorce. I see romantic quotes on Facebook and do not even hit a like even if it is my close relation. Because I know the person now posting romantic posts will soon make fun of his or her failed relationship.

β€˜In this modern day world, you do not need to ask people β€œWassup”.

Their FB posts play the perfect role of a close source.’

Of course, love is a cool wind in the sweltering heat, but it never stays forever.

So let the cool wind come and go, do not expect it to stay forever, or you will get cold.

Like all the parents on this earth, mine also want me to get married to the person of their choice. They will not mind if I want them to meet someone. But now they have understood that there is no one in my life.

My father is an Upper Grade Clerk in a government college in Udaipur. He is a self-esteemed man and refused to take any kind of financial help from my grandfather once he got into this job. My mother is a teacher in private school. They gave us best possible education and life. After living in one BHK for 10 years, with the little saving each year they bought 3 BHK in Udaipur.

After finishing my PG I came to Delhi in search of job. Living under the dictatorship of my Aunt, father’s sister, for 3 months I left her house in the midnight without informing her or my family. Since many days I had this plan so would search for the hostels or PG near my office. I found one one day and left immediately.

Initially my father got angry but later agreed. I love my parents for who they are except this marriage thing.

Whenever they set up a meeting, I either switch off my phone, or dress up like a fashion blunder. Sometimes I have cracked sarcastic jokes in front of the boy and his family, which made my brother giggle and parents angry. I once heard my mother saying to my father.

β€œI am worried about Dollu. Will she ever agree for marriage? What if she is left alone in this world when we are gone? What will she do? How she will survive? This girl is making me insane.”

To which my father would say.

β€œDo not worry, we still have a few years. If she agrees good, If not, we will win her emotionally.”

I am definitely not going to fall in their emotional trap, but every night in my bed, after one more failed meeting that my parents set up with an ideal family, I think,

Am I ever going to fall in love again? If not, how will I manage to live alone? Is he ever going to call me back? What if he is already married and found some girl of his dream?

Thank god that I have Angie in my life, my roommate and best friend. About her, I can say that no matter what happens she will be there for me. We live in Delhi in my small studio apartment. She is a divorcee. Her full name is Angela Antao, but I call her angie. She is a Christian from Goa, works as a Business Analyst in Arkent and completely hates her job. First time I had met her at the pani poori stall in Chandani Chawk. She was arguing with the college going boys who teased her and when I saw she is falling apart, I took a stand. Looking at us other girls joined. I am telling you when it comes to screwing up no one can beat these Delhi people. In 3 years I have also become one. Angie and I exchanged the phone numbers. Gradually our bond grew stronger and I left the hostel and shared space in her rented studio apartment. We made some good memories there in 2 years. Then, with a little help of my father I purchased my own studio apartment. It has been more than a year we live here and I pay EMI to my father. Angie contributes. I want that house to be called mine one day.

Parents, Chinu, and Angie complete my life. No matter how annoying my parents become when it comes about my marriage but I am thank full to god to grace me with such a lovely family. Angie is my backbone. I can live without my laptop, which is my first love, but not without her.

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