“We cannot take our child out.”
“We are worried if he gets aggressive and abuses in front of people.”
These dialogues are common in today’s families and that is totally OK. At some point, we as parents are responsible for their ill breeding behavior.
Yes, we are talking about little monsters. Toddlers.
Let’s have a list of more dialogues that we say angrily when we face our kids with such behavior;
“It is a very bad baby.”
“Because of him/her we are not fit to go anywhere.”
“You (couples blaming each other) have spoiled her/him.”
So why do not we hesitate to express our intolerance in front of our children. Because by doing so we are making a mistake. And if you argue that they did not even notice, they actually did.
We know with what you are battling daily
They are now sure that their behavior attracts your attention, hence, they continue to annoy you (sometimes without any reason).
These are the common moves kids make to attract your attention;
- Shutting the door on face.
- Hiding face under pillow or sheet.
- Looking valuable thing that matters to you and tossing it on the floor.
- Repetitive swearing.
- Shouting till your head aches.
Who to blame?
Sometimes you know that your lack of interest in their concerns and questions are dragging them towards aggression. But we cannot help it, as we are bound to our daily activities that include daily chores, office, etc. Since we know that we are hugely responsible for their ill mannered behavior, hence, it will be easier for us to come to a conclusion on what to do next to ensure our kids do not repeat the same mistake again.
Our main motive is to help them forget what they are now, and lead them to the path of patience and calmness.
In order to achieve this, we have to work bit harder than we usually do as a parent.
Before jumping on the point on how to handle annoying and aggressive child, first we will have to dig into the main issue.
By issue we mean the root of the problem. “Why our kid behaves improperly?”
After all, what is the issue & how to resolve it?
We are too busy to understand them. Yes, we think we have much bigger issues to handle next morning at work front. They are just toddlers, what do they know. There problems are funny. Boss was not enough, now we have to handle these little monsters.
Now let’s go back to your childhood days. Remember when you forgot to take your pencil to school and how you had hoped that one of your classmates will give you extra from his/her box. I still get the nightmares where I have forgotten my pencil and teacher has punished me. It is scary enough to wake me up from my dream. That problem as a child was big. Forgetting to do the homework and getting scared that teacher will punish in front of whole class, that feeling was scary.
Now whenever your child shares about his/her day at school, just listen and start asking more questions till he/she is satisfied.
The conclusion of whole point is that, your child needs to be listened. When he sees you both interacting with each other, he wants to get involved in the conversation and wants to be a part of your gang. Encourage him.
Sometimes buying gifts is not enough.
They feel alone when you indulge in your own talk and ask them to keep quiet. That leads them to take actions to attract you.
What can you do?
Ask them daily these questions;
- What happened at school, did you enjoy?
- They will know that they are being listened.
- What did you learn today, teach us as well?
- help them build their self-confidence
- Are you ok? Do you want anything?
- Make them feel as their needs are being taken care.
Say these words to each other daily;
- I am proud of you.
- I love you.
- Look how handsome/beautiful you look.
- We know you can do this.
- We are there to help/assist you.
Make these things a habit;
Rules should be applied on everyone. For example, if there is a word which a toddler should not speak, then parents should start avoiding to use it. It all starts from us.
Let your kid take care of his/her own little things. Be there to guide or assist them. That’s the first step to teach them the value of being independent.
Eat at least one meal together, and when you do that avoid watching television. By doing so, your kid will understand the value of family and relationship.
Take at least 3-5 mini vacations and 1 long vacation in a year to spend quality time with your loved ones. Again, avoid using Smartphones at that period of time.
Stop doing following things;
- Stop fighting in front of your child.
- Do not use words that hurt feeling.
- Avoid crying in front of them when you are sad.
- Never throw things.
- Do not lie to your child.
- Do not discourage them
How to react when they get aggressive?
First of all, start with yourself, stop using those words and actions in front of your kids. No matter how angry you are, never toss things on floor. Make a rule, whoever abuses will get a punishment. For example, whoever abuses will not receive candy of the day.
When they go out of control, hold them stare right into their eyes and hug them. Pat their back and ask them to get calm. Kiss them and make funny jokes. Try to divert their mind into something else. Ask them to open a jar, or open window or draw curtain. Just do anything that diverts their mind from the situation.
When kids make mistake, it is just a mistake. Lets just say, the phone accidentally slipped from their hands and fell on the ground. It was just a mistake they did not do it on purpose. Now seeing that the phone is expensive we start scolding our kids. Result? They respond to our actions in the same language.
Never get angry on your child if he has done something by mistake.
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